My thoughts

I hope your weekend was nice. My where that but I didn’t actually do anything special. On Friday evening we were to the Juthbacka fair market. It was so fun to go through the selling area and see what all kind of things they had. I didn’t find anything to buy but it was ok after all. I watched the people and the booths. There was a lot of nice things but I thought they was little bit too expensive and the only one what I found missed I on few seconds because right away I notice the item someone else notice it too and pick it up in her hands so I only looked when she bought it. I was little bit sad over it . My husband found a book and t-shirt what he bought so he was very happy. We will go next year too because they have so different stuff every year so it will be so fun to see what they have next year.

On Saturday I was on my test and I hope it went ok and I’ll pass it. I don’t care of the number now only that I pass it because it was quite difficult test . It was little bit funny when I notice that I was the only one who was doing the test. I notice that there were few other names but they never came so only I did the test in the end. I hope the teacher will evaluate the test little nicer now when he only need to go through one paper. Maybe he doesn’t want to disallow the only paper what he got so then I’ll pass it after all. I do hope that .

On Saturday I notice that my very dear cat Kissen is sick. Two years ago the veterinarian told us that Kissen have cancer lumps in her stomach. The Vet said that Kissen might not see the Christmas 2005 but she saw it and the next one also but now it start to look that she might not see this coming one. I am crying inwardly the whole time now because she is not her self anymore. I notice that Kissen is sleeping so much now and she lost a lot of weight in very short time and her eyes are not that clear anymore and her fur is shaggy so it looks like Kissen is on her way to heaven. I do hope she would get better but I don’t think so. She is already 12 years old and she have had these lumps already in several years so we won’t operate her because she is too old and she wouldn’t feel that good of it after all so I let her go now but I feel so sad that. I want to cry the whole time I am sitting here at my work. I hope she will get a nice end and won’t suffer. I let you know how it goes and how long she will stay here. I hope she would be here for little longer time after all but I notice her lumps gets bigger everyday so it doesn’t look good anymore.

I am also little sad over that I don’t have now so much time to read all my friends blogs because this week I start to study again and I am still working so all my time will go there. I shall try to read so much I only can but sometimes it might go weeks before I can answer or also write my own. I shall try to do it on my job place so often I only can but sometimes my boss comes behind me so then I can’t do anything . It might change little if I get some other work but also there I might have less of time in the beginning. I am still applying for everything what sounds fun so hopefully soon I will have so good news to tell . Now I am waiting for be informed of the ones what I already applied for. On Wednesday I know more about the export assistant work and of the rest I might know more of on the end of August. I let you know how it goes .

Yeah it’s Friday again. I feel like the weeks go by so fast that I can’t even think that fast (I have always been a slow thinker…). Today after my work we will the whole family go to Juthbacka fair market. It will be so fun to go there and see everything. I hope I will find some Feng shui items and books. My dear hubby wants to find something for his car and my parents some kind of nice painting. We will see how it goes for us. I am little worried that the area will be quite wet because it rained so much on the evening and the whole night but now the sun is shining so hopefully it will dry the grass and we don’t need to put on our gumboots because they are not that nice to walk with many hours. I love to go to this fair market because there will be so much to see and a lot of people too. We usually walk very slow and watch through every stand. Usually there is not that much to buy but sometimes (if you are early enough) you might find something nice.

Yesterday afternoon I again applied a job here at this company where I am now so hold you fingers crossed. This job might be little bit difficult because you need little bit more of the technical skills but it was not demand to have these skills so I decided to try apply and I notice that they had quite many women on this unit in similar duties so I can’t be that hard and like I say everything can be learned. I just counted that I have already applied 4 different job in only one week so it start to look little better now. I tell me that there are quite many different jobs available what I can apply for now I only need little bit luck to get some of them and I hope the one what I get will be very interesting and I’ll enjoy to be there. I shall keep applying all kind of jobs at ABB Oy so maybe someday I will get one. Maybe they get so bored with my applying that they finally give me a job where I can be a little bit longer and what will give me a lot of challenge too, only to shut me down for a while .

Our fish and cats are doing well and now we even got a quite young brown hare on our yard too so it’s fun to see when he’s eating our grass and jumping around. He’s little afraid of us still but he start to know that we live in the house so now he only jumps few steps when he sees is but he’s not running away anymore. I try to stay very calm when I see him and only say that don’t worry I am not coming close to you. I bet he understand Finnish good because he’s not that scare of us . My parents have a big family of hedgehogs living on their yard. It’s so fun to watch them going around there and my parent feed them so the family will stay there for a long time because they have everything so good and they don’t need to be afraid of anything .

Or have all kind of people so different point of view of what happiness really is ?

For me the happiness might mean something else than what it means for someone else. I have notice that there is all kind of people and they all have quite different point of view of everything and that’s might be the same with the thought of happiness too. Or has these thought to do something with the culture differences ? Does happiness mean something else in some other country than what it means here in Finland, well I don’t think so. I more like think it’s after all a personal thing but okay the culture might change it little but the base is in that what people actually need.

There is so many things what might put you happy like family, money, job, friends, fame, hobby, house, car and the list goes on and on… but does these things really make you happy in the end or are people searching for something what they can’t have…? Okay I know that people usually feel happy when they are waiting for something to happen like a vacation to start, new jog to begin, new relationship to get more seriously or a trip to start… that list might be quite long but when they get it are they happy then or will they begin to wait for something else ?

I started to think this when my dear friend wrote me an email and said that she have notice that I am not happy with my dear hubby and I need to divorce him. Well how can she know that, maybe I am happy in the end and maybe I am searching for something else than a new relationship (because there it would end after all). I don’t feel for giving up that easily either so I decided to fight for my marriage and seek for my happiness from something else like study, work and friendship (also animals). I know that my dear hubby loves me deed, deed inside him and I love him too so it’s only to work through all the difficulties’ what we sometimes have (we are both the only child so we are use to get everything so that’s why we usually can’t take care of the other that easy and mistakes some times happens when we don’t understand each other). For me the happiness is more like go forward in career, read a good book, see a good movie, be with my family, laugh with my friends and work mates, also do well in my study and help people. Mostly I feel happy when I can write down something or talk with people even with the strange ones. Is this really happiness or do I only think I am happy when I do these things, I don’t know but I think we people need to think we are happy to feel happiness otherwise we seek for something else the whole life and that’s why there is so much of bad things too because people try to search for something what they can’t have and they think it would be happiness if they get it…. Or what do you think ?

Happiness is a very difficult word and it might mean so many things. There are a lot of little things what brings little happiness in to our life and there might be something big what bring more happiness. There might be something what we can work with to get the happy feeling but there might be something what we can’t do anything to but we will get happy after all and there also might be something what we can’t do anything to what makes us unhappy like someone dies or something else happens then we only need to rethink again and make the situation some how better and hope for the happiness to come later on in some other ways. I hope people are happy deep inside and feel great although the life sometimes feels like shit .

I hope you all are well and happy .

I am ok, little bored of my job and nervous over my test on Saturday because I haven’t read that good and it’s my last time to try this test so if I won’t pass it I have to go through the whole course again and I am not that happy about it because the course is quite difficult but otherwise I am fine.

I am now eagerly waiting for to hear something from these jobs I applied. I’ll see if there will come something else to apply for too because I heard that this third job I applied for last week went to a summer worker so I am quite angry about the situation that a young girl who only worked at this unit for the summer time got the job I had applied for because they didn’t want to move me away from this job because I just leaned to do it, well okay that’s a good reason but why this summer worker got a much longer work contract than what I got... how can this be right for me who have already been in work life quite many years got only job for few months (6 months) that this summer worker got for one whole year, yeah it sounds little weird. This much did they appreciate me but okay I understand and in the end I know I don’t want to be here because I am not appreciating this job either and I think this is similar to a usually factory work like conveyor duties so I feel like I want little bit more after all and actually I do want to climb on the career ladder higher than this so that’s why I am now searching for something else.

I want to be some kind of smaller Manager already and I need more challenging duties than what I have now and I feel now that I have to show where I can go. Does someone else feel like this ? I don’t know if there is only me who want to life to be like this or is there someone else too who want to show and go forward in life and in career ? Is it only for Finnish people to go forward or are there some other culture the same way ? I know it’s for men little different, they feel like they need to go forward but does woman feel like this too or is it for them more important to get a family and bring up children ?

I don’t know but I have been thinking this some while now because the women I have been talking with the family is more important than the career and for me it’s vice versa. Am I a weird woman or what ? I know I am already too old to get children or okay the doctor said that I still have about 5 years time but I start to be in risk zone already so I have to do the decision of children soon because I don’t have that much of time anymore and to be a elderer birth giver is never a good idea for the body or for the child. Okay there is always a possibility to adopt but I know that my dear hubby would never go with that thought, he want to have own children and I am not really sure if he want to have children at all…

Well here were my thoughts today…

I feel like the days go by so fast that I don’t really notice them. It’s because I have a test on Saturday and there is a lot to do at my workplace now. I have a lot of invoices to go through. I must say it’s very boring and I applied today one other work here inside this company. I hope I’ll get it because this job would be very interesting although very difficult so I am little nervous over it too but I do hope I get it. I also haven’t yet heard of the one job what I applied last week so it’s still open. Yesterday I heard of this third one I applied that I won’t get it because it would only last few months more than what I have now so that’s why they won’t take me. Well okay I am not that sad because the job would have been the same after all so I am not angry. I am actually quite happy because I don’t want to stay in this unit because it’s only about finance and it’s not for me. I need little more than only invoices and watching computer. Hold you fingers crossed that I will get something else soon and it will be little different .

On Monday and Tuesday I had my boss sitting next to me here at my workplace so I couldn’t write anything because she was on the same computer and watched what I do on the whole day. Yeah that’s true, she was watching but this was because she is so new and wanted to see what happens on my unit and how I use my programs. It was ok, but little irritating because I couldn’t do that much after all because she was asking so much of everything and then she wanted to know how I feel for this job, well I couldn’t really say that well I don’t… I only tried to show her that I can everything good and I work really hard. On evenings I had to stay at work little bit longer so that I got everything done in time. We talk the whole time when she was with me so it was good. I got to know her little better and now she knows how I work. I hope it will help me to get better duties now. Today I have been alone here so that’s been really nice .

Here in Vaasa we have had nice weather the whole week. The sun has shined this week and it has been quite warm. They said on weather report on morning that in quite many towns there have been strong thunderstorms but not in Vaasa so I am glad of that. It looks like we will get sun shine the rest of the week too so that's great because On Friday evening we will go to Pietarsaari (it’s about 100 km from Vaasa). They will have the yearly Juthbacka market fair. It will be so fun to go there because last year we was on the same time in Jyväskylä but now this year the Rally was little bit earlier. The market fair is so big and there will be a lot of sellers so it’s so great to go through the area and walk, walk and walk . Okay there will be a lot of old stuff (like antique) but it’s so fun to see them all although I won’t buy it. They will also have new stuff too and all kind of items. I usually find some CD’s and books also crystal goods and other fun stuff. There will be quite many people too so we need to go very early to get everything because after few hours there won’t be anything to buy because all the good stuff is gone. People start to come earlier and earlier every year to buy the stuff what they want. I’ll tell you more of this fair when I have been there because every year it’s little bit different and the good changes too so that’s why it’s always so fun to go there.

 Yes it’s Friday again and already one week have gone from our short vacation. I haven’t really had time to write because there have been so much to do here at my work. I had huge amount of invoices waiting for me, also I had emails and payments to do. Now I have done quite a lot so everything start to look little better.  I also applied few job here at ABB few days ago. The first one is very similar to what I have now but it would last little bit longer (to summer) but the other one what I applied for is something what I am little bit like hoping for. The job would be permanent and on he export unit so it would be something what I would like because then I could take care of export arrangements, paper work and keep contact with the customer. I call the boss on that unit and told her that I am very interesting and I have done similar duties before so hold you fingers crossed that I’ll get the job . The lady told me that this person who gets the job would take care of export dueties to USA, Brazil, England, Norway and China. Well I know more of this after few weeks. I hope, I hope                  

Okay now I will tell you little bit of the trip we had. Everything was ok and we tried this time to see little bit more of the town too. I already put some pictures of the hotel where we stayed and from the museums what we visited. I also tried to put some pictures of the nature. I also will download some pictures of the Ähtäri zoo, over the weekend. There was so many cute animals . 
  
Everything went well and we were already on Monday evening at Jyväskylä. On Monday we drove through some of the special stages so that we could see where we will be and watch when the cars go by. On Tuesday we where most of the times at Jyväskylä Centrum and watched when the team trucks started to come to Paviljonki (service park). We also visited Pandas candy factory and went to few of the museums at the area.  On Wednesday we drove through few new special stages so that we could see how they look like and how it feels to drive through them . We also stayed a lot on Paviljonki and watched all the peoples and cars what was there. We also took quite a lot of photos of the rally cars. On Thursday we spend the most of the time at Service Park because they open all the shops and the rally mass. We also walked around the area and watched everything. It was so fun and I bought a lot of clothes for the winter time . We also met Marcus Grönholm and chat few minutes with him (his's my hubbys old friend from the childhood). We also talked with a Italian seller who we have always been talking with. Now he had little bit more time to talk with us. We always buy a lot of toy cars and clothes from him because he’s so nice and already began to notice us in different way. He always know that I seek for something different so this year I bought a lot his own designed clothes, not only the rally team clothes like I usually buy. I already had most of rally team clothes so that’s why I wanted to buy something different and he had so wonderful warm clothes for the winter time so I couldn't stop buying .                

On Friday the rally competition finally started so we went on morning to the special stages where we wanted to be. Now we notice that the peace officers are really nasty this year and they didn’t want to have wievers on the offside so we was really angry on them because we was so early in morning and only wanted to walk few hundred metres to our place but they said no and the boss of the peace officer said that go away you can’t be here... and we was like WHAT we only will walk on the general road and then stay behind few bushes and he still said no. We also heard that many people had a lot difficultines with the peace officers this year and it’s not because they will take care of the wievers because some of the special stages you could stay where ever you wanted to and on others you couldn’t even get inside the competition area. They made many people very angry. I also heard that few special stages parkplace where so full that the peace officers said to people go home and never come here again, well this was nice service…. or what ? I only say that this will make people even more angry and they won’t come and see the rally next year. Even we started to be really tired of argueing with the peace officers and I said to my dear hubby that next year I want to go some where else, like to Germany, England, Italy, Portugal or Spain. I have now had enough of this and next year I want to go somewhere else where I can see the competition. I am not that happy of watching something if I can’t see anything. Here in Finland you need couple of binoculars to see few cally cars because you have to stay so far away from the road and who want to watch something behind terrible bunch of people because then you need to jump up and down the whole race and who want to do that ? Okay it’s a very good diet but where is the plesure…. No this was the last race here in Finland, next year it will be somewhere else for sure, maybe Portugal or Germany. We talked about this with the Italian seller and he said that Spain is very nice because it’s so  huge happening and you feel like you would be in Disney Land, yeah fits me . I also notice something else... that where is all the foreign wievers ? because there was only few from Estonia, Norway and France but usually there have been so many from all over the world. Now I only heard finnish where ever I went… not that good for me… because I love the feeling of hearing different languages and see the people. There is also a rumour going around between rally watchers and few of them said to me that none of the foreigner watchers want to come to Finland because you can’t see anything here and it’s very difficult to switch places (like change between the special stages). In other countries you are more like on your own and you can stay with your toes on the road if you want to and have the courage to do it . I wouldn’t but it would be nice to sit on the side of the road and see something . I have always been very carefully watcher who don’t want to get all the painfull stones on me or be scare of the car so… but the line must go somewhere of how much security the peace officers can offer after all.               

Well, our whole weekend went mostly on the same way, seeing people, fighting with the peace officers and shoping. We also tried to go and see a cave what is near Jyväskylä but it had rained so much over the month so it was so much of water on the path so we had to give up so we never saw the Hitonluola (=damn cave, it was the name of the cave ). I felt little sad of it but was damn difficult to get there . On Sunday, on our trip home, we also went to Ähtäri Zoo and that was fun. I saw a lot of beautiful animals and smell the stink of them, I felt like I was in heaven .

Here is the hotel where we was.

Few picture of what we saw in Jyväskylä, enjoy 
This last one says poo place